It's a violation of privacy & trust. We know it's
wrong, but that nagging feeling he's hiding something won't go away.
He's erasing his text messages, hiding his phone when you come around
and is very defensive when you inquire who he is texting, or who just
called. He reassures you that it's nothing. " It's work.", or "It's just a friend, don't be so jealous." Even worse he accuses you of being crazy. " Your insecurity is making you imagine things."
He's right, it is making you crazy. Are you imagining things? You know that the answers to the universe, or at least to your relationship, are all locked up in that little device. If you could only take a peek, for just a second your thoughts and fears would be validated, or you would be set free. What do you do?
First of all trust is really the most important foundation
for any relationship. Once that foundation weakens the whole structure
begins to crumble. Being open and honest to your BF about your feelings
is important. There is no right, or wrong in how you feel. It's just how
you feel. Share your suspicions or insecurities with your BF in a non accusatory way. "I know I'm probably letting my imagination get the best of me, or maybe bad past relationships have tainted my trust, but I am feeling insecure about what you're doing on your phone all the time. May I look at your phone just to settle my mind?"
If he truly has nothing to hide and wants to prove his loyalty and devotion and make you look stupid for doubting him, then he will agree.
If he doesn't then #1 listen to your gut. My dad always
asks me when I question something, "Do you feel it in your gut?" If you do,
than you already know the answer.
"The heart is forever making the head it's fool" -François VI, Duc de La Rochefoucauld, Prince de Marcillac
French author of maxims and memoirs 1600's
Don't let your heart talk you out of what you already know.
You don't really need to see his phone. If your gut is telling you
somethings not right, then you already know. Even by the slim chance you
are wrong about your intuition, the mere fact that you have shadowed
doubts in the first place means somewhere along the line he has compromised your trust and that's very difficult to regain .
However, if you must do it to ease your mind and spare your sanity, then I say go for it. BUT BEFORE doing so, ask yourself if you are sure you really want to know?
FUTURAMA Episode Sounds: 4ACV03 - Love & Rocket
Ship: "I saw you at Elzar's with those two ladies of the evening! Explain that!"
Bender: "Ok, I like a challenge. Hmm...no...Ah! I got it. I'm going to
be completely honest with you, Planet Express Ship. Those women you saw
me with were my accountants."
Ship: "Your accountants. Oh, I would dearly love to believe that were true. So I do! I'm gonna go home and get dinner started."
Decide in advance what is acceptable to you, and what is a deal breaker. As in a game of chess, think three moves ahead. Consider all possible scenarios and how you will respond. Will you leave him? Will you try and work it out? Can you get past this?
On the other hand, if you find nothing then stop. Promise yourself not to let your insecurities run away with your imagination. Don't waste anymore time playing into fears that have no basis to start with. It looks like he may deserve a little more trust and respect than you gave him credit for. Work on opening the lines of
communication rather than snooping.
